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Ideological Islam creates a duality hard for westerners to fathom.The strict separation of the sexes—men from women—creates an entirely homosocial culture—this in turn can lead to homosexual behavior, at times openly discussed, at times not.To be sure, Mateen’s circumstances were different from those of my translator.Mateen was born in the United States, not in a war town country, cut off from media and other ways of learning to understand his sexuality.In fact before my trip, one female journalist had told me to “throw away any sense of what it means to be gay in the West.” She reminded me that this was different from being in the closet, or on the down low, the expression often used among inner city minority men. I found that sex between men was not so much a phase that men grew out of, as might have been the case in Victorian England (and today in elite British schools like Eton), but something culturally accepted.A common phrase I heard from men in Kabul was that “women are for babies, men are for sex.” I knew I was also far from the only Western journalist to write of this.For the twelve hours on the rough and tumble, largely unpaved road between the Afghan capital and Bamiyan, I had spoken in the same riddles whenever he asked about my relationships, his face twisted with confusion as he tried to comprehend me.

As a gay journalist, I decided to venture into Afghanistan to learn more firsthand, reporting for LGBT publications in the United States like Gay City News, the now defunct Genre and others.We were sitting on the cliffs as darkness fell, obscuring our view of the niches across from us where the giant Buddhas had for centuries smiled upon the fertile valley.

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