7 secrets of healthy dating relationships
The fact is: If a guy is profoundly obnoxious or terrible after a breakup, it is most often a testament to how rough the breakup was on him. MORE: 5 Things Every Girl Needs to Know About Guys Jerry Seinfeld once said that breaking up a relationship needs to be like taking off a Band-aid – One motion: OFF!
In the same regard, when a relationship ends, it is much much harder for a guy to go back and discuss and revisit and talk through and explain, etc. In fact, guys like to keep their emotional spectrum focused on a tight range of emotions – somewhere between amusement and contentedness.
But if you do the work, it pays off over the long haul.(To learn the science behind how to be a good kisser, click here.)Okay, lots of talk so far about hard work. Is there a way to be more successful in your career and more successful in your relationship? There’s one quality that leads to good things in both…What does a lot of research say produces success in school and career? It’s because grit determines how we persist in trying situations. People who are particularly low in grit, when love feels like work, they’re more likely to drop out the same way soldiers do at West Point. After assessing fifty-two couples based on their oral history interviews, the psychologists Kim Buehlman, John Gottman, and Lynn Katz at the University of Washington found that the way spouses described their history predicted whether they would get divorced within the next three years with 94 percent accuracy. That’s really what George Vaillant and the Grant Study have looked at. Vaillant has found that what determines how well you adapt is who you love and how you love them. If you go down the list of everything we think we want in life it’s all tied up with the ability to love and be loved.
It’s an astonishing statistic: by simply looking at how couples speak about their past, the scientists could foresee their future. But couples with a future “glorify the struggle.” To simplify: BAD: Every couple is going to go through hard times and go through points where they wonder if they should still be together. But if you pass the finish line, the struggle makes the victory that much sweeter. Our closest relationships determine how we respond to the toughest times in life.
Some couples talk about it almost like a sign from the gods that they shouldn’t be together.
Her work is filled with all sorts of sad case studies of people who talk about the high and how at a certain point, they realized it was leading them astray. But people in arranged marriages have no such illusions.
Romeo-and-Juliet-style limerence feels great and easy but doesn’t last. Now “grit” may not sound like something you’d praise on Valentine’s Day but that’s just an issue of wording. After analyzing the data, and controlling for the influence of other personality traits and demographic factors, she found that gritty men were 17 percent more likely to stay married. And what helps you cope with the problems of life better than anything? “Our closest relationships determine how we respond to the toughest times in life.” Here’s Jonah: There is no easy life.